Monday, June 28, 2010

The Lunch Meat

My neighbor and friend looks after my dogs when I'm working. (Yeah!!! I have a job!!!!). Anyway, this is a missive she left me the other day. I love her writing and wish she would do more.


Your sandwich meat is no longer edible. Though I did manage to salvage a bit of it.

The event happened this way:

I got the boys out for a potty break and then went into the living room to read so

they could have some out of the crate time. It was very quiet, I soon noticed. As

a parent, I learned early on that too much quiet is probably a problem. I called

Paker and he did not respond. I put down my book and went to the kitchen. He had

the package of sandwich meat in his mouth and was trying with all his effort to eat

the sandwich meat, package and all. Red was observing.

I grabbed Parker by the nape and told him to drop it. He clamped his teeth down on

the package and gulped trying to swallow it before he had to really drop it. I

reaffirmed my grasp of the nape and tried with the other hand to prize his mouth

open. The harder I pried the more clamped his teeth became. I kept prying and

telling him to drop it, but it was not very effective because by now I was

giggling and nearly wetting my pants. Red was observing.

Finally I got a little bit of the meat out of Parker's mouth and it dropped to the

floor. Red ceased observing at this point and lunged for the scrap of meat. Parker

let go the package and lunged for the scrap, too. By then there were several scraps

of the meat on the floor and both boys were sucking the scraps up as fast as they


When the scraps were all eaten and what remained of the package of sandwich meat was

put out of harm's way. Red walked regally over to his crate and got in. Parker

looked around for more scraps and then looked around for what was left of the

package. I assured him that (1) there was no more sandwich meat for him and (2) I

was definitely telling on him. During this conversation, Red was observing from his

crate. His halo firmly in place.

Parker cruised the counter top a bit longer --- hopefully, no doubt --- I told him

to leave it and he came into the living room and lay down on the skins and went to

sleep. Obviously tired after that struggle.

At any rate you have no more lunch meat, unless you are into eating the shards.

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